God told me to write a blog

It’s a beautiful day to go after your dreams.

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I am supposed to write a blog today. A promise I made to myself exactly a year ago. It wasn’t supposed to take a year, but it did. So here I am.

I am doing it scared while also feeling silly. Today, I am a beginner, a novice, a newbie, and a child. Not encouraging I know, but I’m doing it! Stay with me here. It could get interesting.

The first step is practicing compassion (I am coaching myself here. Watch out! There will be a lot of that wink wink). I am being patient and compassionate with myself as I navigate this newness and awkwardness of being exposed. My thoughts. My vulnerabilities. Exposed. There is no one, and nothing is getting in my way – except me. And that task is both complex and easy.

So why do it? Why write? Why go through the excruciating practice of being vulnerable?

Because God told me so (Oh! Now we’re talkin’).

Was it God?

January 2023, in deep meditation, I was given clear and concise instructions. “Write a blog”. Of course, I freaked out! This is probably the part where you’re thinking – this woman is insane. Believe me, I have thought of that myself.

Was it God? Is this what he meant? Am I doing the right thing? Should I trust a voice in my head?

Let me give you some more context. It wasn’t just any meditation. I was in a state of … how can I describe it… a sense of being here but not here. I woke up in the middle of the night with the urge to meditate. Without saying a word, I sat in total darkness. I was meditating but also I was dreaming. I was seeing visions. I was being shown different places I had never been or might not even exist in this physical plane. I could still feel my body sitting in the lotus position. My crown (the top of my head) was tingling like a hundred ants were running like crazy. My hands were vibrating like a tiny tornado swirling in the middle of my palms. Electricity was running up and down my spine. My whole body was slowly beginning to move in a trancelike circle. 

A significant religious figure appeared before me (I will not say who but if you ask me personally I will tell you) and showed me things I will not share here. This figure stated things that only made sense when 2023 came to a close. After what felt like hours, I came back to the room, back to my bed. I could sense my physical body more. Everything was quiet. Like the eerie silence after a storm. 

I asked God, what do I do? The answers were simple. Meditate. Talk to (a name of a friend). Write a blog. 

Write a blog

The first two, okay, made sense. But the third, I was scared. I was scared not of the voice but of the ask. God knows me so well.

God knows how to challenge me while supporting me at the same time. He knows I have the resources. God knows I am capable. Most of all, he knows I am super scared to do it. God knows I’ve started before and didn’t follow through. He knows I want to write. He knows I will avoid doing it. God even knew that it would take me a year to do it (OMG! Genius!) God knows me through and through. So that’s how I am sure it was God. Or what we also call: Higher Self, Inner Wisdom, Angel, or my future more awakened self coming to wake me the hell up! 

Indeed, it takes time for me to process things and muster the courage to TRUST what I see or hear. But God also knows that I would do it. It will take time, but I do it.

I’m doing it my way

I supposed this blog is just me rambling about my thoughts and experiences. My own little soliloquy. Perhaps there is no point to this. Perhaps, it won’t even matter, but I will write anyway. The challenge with writing is doing it. The challenge is not writing per se, but overcoming the fear. That challenge alone is worth it.

I am here doing it and living it. In my own way, but I’m doing it.

I’ve read blog after blog about how to write a blog, but none of them resonate with me. I’ve asked experienced writers, but their methods don’t feel right for me. It could be that I’m innately stubborn, or perhaps I just want to find my own way. With no pressure to make it look or feel like someone else’s.

I want to write with freedom and discovery about what works and what doesn’t. I want it to be messy, to be human, to be play. I don’t want it to feel like a chore but rather an exploration. A blank canvass that I can throw paint on. It could turn out ugly, or it could be a masterpiece. Perhaps, none of those things. Perhaps, it doesn’t have to be anything. It doesn’t have to be special. It doesn’t require a label. It doesn’t need to pique anyone’s interest. It doesn’t have to be readable or even make sense. It can be just as random as living. It can contain as much confusion and questions as here on Earth. 

Perhaps it’s pointless but many things start that way.

As I’ve said, perhaps, this can all be pointless, but many things start that way. A shout into the void. A deep breath into the abyss. A simple walk along the beach. That’s it, isn’t it? To do things for nothing’s sake while also putting so much heart into it. The reward comes not in any form but in the act of doing. That our actions, our living, be about living. Not for the purpose of leaving a legacy, or to balance karma, or to become something. It’s in the writing, the breathing, the smiling, the holding hands, the eating, the walking, the watching the clouds float by. Every action its own reward. No future assumptions or expectations. Just being.

This is why I want to write. 

Welcome to my blog!